Sunday, April 22, 2007 . 12:12 AM
Make way for Auntie Dawn
Lala, I realised that the letters to Auntie Dawn so far were all written by males. How can this do? Auntie Dawn strives for equality of sexes, so the next letter is by a girl. Weeee~ =D
Dear Auntie Dawn,
I'm a 15 year old girl in desperate need of advice. I am - and I won't deny - slim, tall, stunningly beautiful, an excellent cook and in the best class of my school. There is but one flaw I have, the multitude of moles dotting my face as if it laid in the path of the Milky Way. On my face alone, I have 20 flat moles - yes, I counted - of varying sizes spreaded equally over my forehead, cheeks and nose, and a medium-sized protruding mole on my chin, with two 3cm hair growing out of it. What am I to do? I can't go for laser treatment because I'm penniless, but this problem bugs me a lot. Last Valentines', I confessed to a guy but got rejected 'cause he said looking at all my moles (especially the one on the chin) gave him goosebumps and he couldn't stand looking at me for longer than 5 seconds! And the Valentines' before that, I confessed to 3 other guys but got rejected too for the same reason. I can't go on like this! How am I to find a boyfriend and get married and have kids and grandchildren and great-grandchildren? Save me please!
Lovingly,
Moley Girl
Dear Moley Girl,
You have tons of problems with you and I don't know where to begin (and no, it's not about your moles - not just).
First of all, we gotta fix that self esteem problem. It's not that you have too little of it, on the contrary, you have TOO MUCH of it. Even if you ARE all that, you needn't say it out loud. While I don't think I could do much about it, there is another way to convey all these to the rest of the world. Let Auntie Dawn teach you the skill of PR-ing. For example, instead of saying "I am an excellent cook", you could say "I was in charge of cooking all the food for XX's birthday party. All fifty of us had a good time." See? Sure, it might be long-winded and all, but what's public relations but long-windedness? It stills convey the same impression, but without that shamelessness. Problem solved. NEXT!
What is the matter with you that you actually confessed to THREE guys in one day? And no WONDER you got rejected, who would want such a boy-crazy girlfriend? You need a life! Why are you thinking about having children and grandchildren when you aren't even out of school?? Young, blossoming kids like you should be out there having FUN! Go East Coast Park rollerskating, or swimming or some sport! Before you know it, finding a boyfriend will be the least of your problems! And having fun while at it too!
Anyways, ever heard of something called makeup? Just buy some foundation and smear it over your face. It'll effectively cover up all of your moles. The flat ones, at least. As for the one on your chin... Errr... You could improve on it by plucking out the hairs. And... Oh look! A bunny!
Editor: Auntie Dawn has ran off to chase a bunny. We sincerely regret any inconvenience this might have caused. We can assure you that she DEFINITELY did not run off in fright because of your disgusting, protruding, HAIRY!!! ARGHHHH!!! mole.
Yours truly,
Editor of Auntie Dawn's column
Lol. And who knew Auntie Dawn had an editor? Definitely not me! Kakakaka! Your small, little experiment! xDDDDD (For those not taking Chemical Energetics by Moleyeo Mrs Yeo, you'll mightn't understand the last line. xD)
By the way, you are still welcomed to send letters of help. Auntie Dawn will gladly help you, like how she helped Huihuan help dear Deranged Shorty. xD
UPDATE: Yays! Ima happy kid! I managed to get the stupid Blogger bar away! It is gone! And hopefully for GOOD! Even the light in Syaoran's eyes look brighter! Weeee! :D