Monday, May 14, 2007 . 7:36 PM
Once upon a time
Yesh, this here is yet another letter, but not made up by me this time! It's written by Jia-jia-jia-jia-ni (whom I suspect have poured out her true feelings + emotions in this letter xD) who has demanded to have Auntie Dawn respond to said letter. So said Auntie shall.
Dear Auntie Dawn, the President,
I'm a troubled fangirl. I'm addicted to my idol OMG. I must listen to his songs at least once a day. I repeat his songs over and over again. I must watch his videos everyday. My face goes closer and closer to the screen and I drool all over the place. His voice makes me faint, and his smile makes me go, "OMGOMG I WUV EUUUU!!!!!" and bang my head against the table. I can't stop doing this. I think I'm going crazy. I laughed madly on the bus when I think of him and the auntie sitting beside me thought I was a pervert and changed seats! I can't concentrate in lessons and I dream of him every night. My eye bags are getting worse. I think I'm having double personalities; the crazy cheekopek living inside me. I'm going crazy!!! HALP ME AUNTIE DAWN!!! YOU ARE MA ONLY HOPEEE!!!!!
teh-troubled-fangirl
Dear teh-troubled-fangirl,
Ah, you remind me of my young, carefree self a long time ago. Let me impart my life story to you.
Once upon a time, when Auntie Dawn was not known as Auntie Dawn but Dawn-xiao-mei, she used to lust over her idol, Sigenu (pronounced see-geh-noo), - just like you! - day and night. She thought Sigenu, ate Sigenu, breathed Sigenu, dreamt Sigenu and even snored Sigenu. Before the era of music CDs and mp3 players, Dawn-xiao-mei used to skip recess, preferring to save her daily pocket money of 50 cents (she was quite rich indeed!) to buy the latest Sigenu cassette tape. (Yes it was a thick, bulky CASSETTE tape, not an intangible mp3 song file.) She would then rush home to stuff her tape into the radio, and could sit with a dazed look on her face (which led to a period of suspicion by her mother who thought she was smoking opium) beside it for hours on end.
Neither could Dawn-xiao-mei pay attention to her lessons! She would play and replay Sigenu's songs in her head, often bursting into song in the very middle of her (very boring) math lesson. It also led to her staying back to clean the school pond almost once every week. It didn't help either that she had the musical ability of a truck. A spluttering, old, conky truck.
Dawn-xiao-mei knew she was hopelessly stuck at the bottom of a neverending pit of obsession, and didn't think there was a way out. But one day, everything changed. One day, someone became Missus Sigenu. And on that very day, Dawn-xiao-mei's heart went cold. Dawn-xiao-mei never ever bought another Sigenu tape again. Dawn-xiao-mei never cleaned the school compound again. She thought her love would transcend all boundaries, leap over insignificant obstacles like Sigenu's girlfriend, but she was bitterly proven wrong.
Hence, from this period onwards, Dawn-xiao-mei found a calling. It called for her to help other troubled souls like her own, to heal their broken hearts. Therefore, Auntie Dawn now gives you a piece of advice: find your idol a wife, and forget about him. And start an Auntie Agony column of your own.
Empathisingly,
Auntie Dawn
P.S. Or you could just find a new idol. Like me, for example.
Ah! What an uncharacteristically somber letter from Auntie Dawn this time! We now know more about Auntie Dawn's past! How will the story of Auntie Dawn continue? What other secrets of Auntie Dawn shall be revealed??? Stay tuned to find out!