Wednesday, May 09, 2007 . 8:02 PM
The twit who needs advice
Yo, this is another Auntie Dawn column! Pretty obvious. Enough said.
Dear Auntie Dawn,
HaRl0...... ii aM 14 yeaRs oLd... ii rLy liKE yOUr coLuMn, it'S BeRy hELpfuL...... ii haVE a pRoBLem thAt ii caRn s0lvE... PLeaSe tEaCh mE a waY 2 gEt a ricH huSBanD so tHat ii duNNit 2 woRk n can bE taItAi fOr tHe reST oF mAa lIfE...... Xie xiE nii!!!! MUacKxXxx!!!!!
Ai sI nii le!!!
Xiia0meiimEiixXx
Dear Xiia0meiimEiixXx,
......Why of course I'll be more than happy to help you - do what again, you say? Ohhhhh - get a rich husband and lead a taitai life. There are many many ways to go about doing this, many different types of rich husbands around. I shall list them all out for you and you can take your pick ok?
First, there is the angmoh type. Angmoh types are always very rich, so if you are the SPG type, they'll be perfect for you! A pre-requisite however, is to master an angmoh accent. Depending on the type of angmoh (British, American etc), you have to master a different type of accent. Or you can just be like the famous SPG Miss Izzy, who can effortlessly use 3 accents in one sentence. You'll snag three times as many angmohs right?
Next, there is the 80-year-old rich cheekopek. If you don't mind being felt up every few minutes, I think he's a good choice! Of course there are incentives to make up for the less-than-pristine appearance (and other... points). He, being 80y.o., will die in (latest) 20 years' time. That'll leave you with a sizeable fortune that will be all yours! Of course, you have to make sure he has no children that he could leave his fortune to/destroy any will that doesn't identify you as the sole recipient of his $$$$$.
Annnnddd then there is the young, handsome, rich playboy. If you can tolerate an affair or two (... or three or four...), he is a very eligible bachelor indeed! And you'll have an attractive accessory to hang on your arm whenever you go clubbing with your (envious) girl friends! Won't you be the centre of attention then!
There is just one slight problem. You'll have to be at least 18 years old to start your search because, as lovely as you are, no one is going to want to marry a 14 year old girl. In the meantime, you might want to concentrate on your studies a little more. Nothing like work to make time fly!
Toodles!
Auntie Dawn
Yays, that's another letter down! Finally a non-SPAM post. XD
P.S. I apologise for my not very convincing twit-talk. No prior experience you see. But I did some referencing from K*im's blog.