Wednesday, July 11, 2007 . 10:05 PM
Say hi to Henry, Dolly and... I.B.
You know, I understand why I keep repeating that 4Us thing now. Cos repetition will get you used to it and adjust your mindset subconsciously so that you won't be too shocked when you actually see it. One U down, three more to go. Haix. OHHH-nly UUuuuuu!
*-*-*
Dear Auntie Dawn,
TEACH ME HOW TO SNATCH MY GIRLFRIEND BACK FROM THE CONNIVING CLAWS OF HENRY*!!!!!!
Ever since HE appeared, MY Dolly* started drifting away from me! I would ask her out on dates but she would REJECT me! She would! OUTRAGEOUS! She's never did that before! She used to go out with me rain or shine, no matter if she had any appointments whatsoever. But now! That Henry! Intruding into OUR life! Just because he is tall and handsome and clever and gives Dolly a blinding white toothy smile whenever he passes by her doesn't mean he should have any chance at having Dolly at all! And he would keep giving her presents - necklaces, chocolates, flowers, etc - even in front of me! Has he no shame?! Tell me, tell me, how can I shoo him away??
Need help!
Indignant Boyfriend!!!
*Names has been changed to protect privacy
Dear Indignant Boyfriend!!!,
Now now, aren't you in a pickle indeed! There's nothing more troubling than having a more handsome, more intelligent guy competing with you for YOUR girlfriend, isn't there?! But you've written to Auntie Dawn, and Auntie Dawn always help her readers, regardless of how deserving you are! :)
Let Auntie Dawn reveal an age-old secret to you, O ignorant male. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach, and the way to a woman's heart is surprisingly, through her stomach as well! If you know how to cook and Henry don't know how, it's a cinch! All his handsome-ness and cleverness and tall-ness can't beat you with your cooking-ness! A simple solution to a complicated problem!
Auntie Dawn's job can actually end here, but Auntie Dawn is generous, and she shall offer you extra help and information to further guarantee your chance of success! Henry sounds like a typical charmer, who knows the tricks and ways to charm his way to a woman's heart (Yes, there is more than one way). And there is nothing jealous and possessive boyfriends like you hate more than these flirtatious charmers! So you have to find a way to drive him away, and the way to do this is to desensitise Dolly to his advances. To do so, you have to be MORE charming to Dolly than Henry is, so that comparatively, his tactics are nothing compared to yours! Buy flowers everyday, spring surprises when she least expects it, display little signs of love by helping her with everyday stuff, and you'll have her like putty in your grubby little hands! And do, DO, let Dolly go hang out with her girl friends so she can gush to them about how caring you are; after lots of gossiping your caring-ness will be magnified a hundred times!
Yes, I know, I rock so much, don't I? No need to thank me! :D
Sha la la,
Auntie Dawn
Waha, and just like that, Auntie Dawn got I.B. to treat Dolly better! What a dumb, selfish boyfriend I.B. is!
Hahaha, I don't actually know the way to a woman's heart; Engchiew suggested the stomach too so I just threw it in! :O Auntie Dawn lied!
And it's disturbing how Auntie Dawn likes to refer to herself in the third person. Brrr.