Monday, November 19, 2007 . 4:12 PM
Einwog and Dawn
After ages of procrastinating and delaying this entry (and reading Stella's very diligently updated blog) I finally got down to posting it! Three torturous days without internet made me realise, ah! Life is short! Don't wait till something happens before you act! ... What a deep idea behind a rather superficial event. -__-
Dear Auntie Dawn,
I'm a gownie - a crocodile-octopus-jellyfish hybrid. Which means I'm not human. I have a big problem though. I used to live in the sea on the seabed, where I was to inherit a kingdom, but I got thrown out by rebels. So I've wandered from the sea to land, in hopes of a brighter future, but humans were repelled by the sight of me and my tentacles! I mean seriously, whassup with those limp starfish-like appendages of yours? Stinging tentacles are SO much sexier! Right now, I'm surviving by charming people with the ancient art of seduction-of-the-seductive-tentacles, passed on only to the royal heir of the gownie family. It's a kind of wiggly-twitchy movement, ya know, and no one, NO ONE, can't ever resist the willowy wiles of my tentacles.
But I digress. The point is, I can't survive on land nor can I return to my sea! Humans see me but don't register my gownie-ness, but my seduction can only delay their inevitable shock temporarily! Soon they'll wake up from the trance and REALLY see me! One day they'll go, "Hey gownie!", and the next day they'll go, "Hey gownie! ... Gownie?? AHHHH!!!!" I don't want to wait till that day comes! Help me find a way to live normally again!
Yours desperately,
Wandering Gownie
P.S. By the way, if you were confused, Gownie is the name of my species, SPECIES. My name is actually Einwog. Einwog the Gownie. It's sea language for Dawn.
Dear Wandering Gownie,
Yes, it's always sad when you are exiled and ostracised and no one seems to care about your fragile state. But Auntie Dawn does! Auntie Dawn cares and spreads her love to people and gownies in need! YARRRRR!! By the way, your relative the octopus makes good takoyaki! Yum!
But anyways. A gownie on land is as out of place as Paris Hilton on Pulau Ubin. Unless she builds a Hilton hotel on it. The point is, there is no way you can live normally on land, so if you even want a chance at a mundane life, you've got to fight for it! You've got to go back to the sea! Auntie Dawn will teach you how!
Now is the time to display the full power of your seductive tentacles! Go to the Macritchie reservoir and summon water nymphs and kelpies and turtles! If gownies can exist, I bet the rest of your mythical gang do too! So you just gotta lure them out! And no worries about temporal seductions, you'll succeed long before they snap out of their trances! So you charm them and get them to do your bidding, and you'll have an army at the ready to charge into the sea to reclaim your kingdom! But, ah ah ahh!~ It's not that easy, dahling! You gotta strategise! Get the water nymphs to ride the turtles and charge full speed into your sea palace and attack the lackeys, while you sit on a kelpie and lead the rest of the kelpie herd to trample over the mutineers! Ok, that's not much of a plan. It's a flawless plan, honey! How much simpler can you get than charging right in and grabbing back your rightful place?! The simplicity of it all is elegance, baby!
And with that, you should have no problem getting back your kingdom, gownie! Invite me for tea in your palace when you do! Tata!
Smugly,
Auntie Dawn
Ah! Auntie Dawn is getting more famous! She even has a non-human seeking her help now! And what magnicificent help she gave!